Treize jours sans nouvelles du mari qui devait sans doute encore se trouver \u00e0 Cologne dans l\u2019espoir de d\u00e9crocher un emploi. La belle-m\u00e8re commen\u00e7ait \u00e0 s\u2019inqui\u00e9ter pour son fils et pour Thanassis, l\u2019ami de la famille qui l\u2019accompagnait. Les deux voyageurs allaient-ils manquer de nourriture? Ma belle-s\u0153ur Despina se disait certaine, qu\u2019\u00e0 leur retour, ils nous surprendraient avec une bonne nouvelle. Elle et sa m\u00e8re en avaient parl\u00e9. Elles consentaient \u00e0 d\u00e9m\u00e9nager en Allemagne et vivre avec nous. Despina garderait mes petits et je pourrais travailler pour aider.<\/p>\n
D\u00e9but octobre, les gitans cueilleurs de coton commen\u00e7aient \u00e0 arriver dans notre village de Krya Vrysi. Ils dressaient leurs tentes un peu \u00e0 l\u2019\u00e9cart des habitations et creusaient un trou dans lequel les femmes et les grands enfants entretenaient le feu pour cuisiner et se r\u00e9chauffer la nuit venue. Quelle exp\u00e9rience j\u2019ai v\u00e9cue! D\u00e8s qu\u2019ils ont \u00e9t\u00e9 install\u00e9s, je leur ai rendu visite en apportant une dizaine de brioches du lendemain du boulanger. Les femmes et les enfants se sont tous r\u00e9gal\u00e9s. M\u00eame les tout-petits tiraient sur ma jupe pour y go\u00fbter.<\/p>\n
Apr\u00e8s plus de six mois d\u2019attente, les cinq valises dans lesquelles j\u2019avais mis tous nos p\u00e9nates et que le mari avait exp\u00e9di\u00e9es par bateau en Gr\u00e8ce \u00e9taient finalement arriv\u00e9es. Puisque le mari se trouvait \u00e0 l\u2019ext\u00e9rieur du pays, Despina et moi avons pris un arrangement pour faire livrer les valises chez ma belle-m\u00e8re. Mais je ne les ai pas ouvertes. N\u2019allions-nous pas repartir bient\u00f4t, aussit\u00f4t que nos deux prospecteurs reviendraient de Cologne avec une bonne nouvelle? Nous, les trois femmes de la maison, nous nous inqui\u00e9tions et priions en silence, mais nous esp\u00e9rions comme on esp\u00e8re que l\u2019\u00e9t\u00e9 se pointe le bout du nez. Je n\u2019ai jamais oubli\u00e9 ce verset de Matthieu\u00a0: \u00ab\u00a0Ne vous inqui\u00e9tez donc pas du lendemain, car le lendemain prendra soin de lui-m\u00eame. \u00c0 chaque jour suffit sa peine.\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n
Cette peine, cette cruelle attente, d\u00e9molissait l\u2019espoir en moi. Peut-\u00eatre l\u2019homme avait-il rencontr\u00e9 une quelqu\u2019une? En 1972, nous ne disposions pas de ces t\u00e9l\u00e9phones portables capables de sauver une vie, la mienne peut-\u00eatre. J\u2019avais soudainement si peur du pire que je ne pouvais pas partager ce sentiment ni avec ma belle-s\u0153ur ni avec ma belle-m\u00e8re. Encore une nuit, j\u2019ai essay\u00e9 de dormir coll\u00e9e \u00e0 mes b\u00e9b\u00e9s, mon sein r\u00e9chauffant le tout-petit. Mille id\u00e9es affreuses s\u2019infiltraient dans ma t\u00eate et j\u2019essayais de les combattre. Je voulais m\u2019enfuir, d\u00e9couvrir cette terre promise que le grand manitou m\u2019avait r\u00e9serv\u00e9e quelque part.<\/p>\n
Le lendemain, \u00e9puis\u00e9e, amoch\u00e9e, d\u00e9courag\u00e9e, je me suis lev\u00e9e et j\u2019ai r\u00e9chauff\u00e9 une grosse cruche d\u2019eau pour laver mes b\u00e9b\u00e9s. Je les ai habill\u00e9s, dorlot\u00e9s, peign\u00e9s et confi\u00e9s \u00e0 la belle-s\u0153ur pour une petite heure. Puis, je me suis rendue chez le boulanger en souhaitant l\u2019interroger. L\u2019homme rev\u00eatait son habituel grand tablier blanc. Je lui ai demand\u00e9 si son fils Thanassis, qui voyageait avec mon fain\u00e9ant de mari, lui avait donn\u00e9 signe de vie. Savait-il quand les deux voyageurs allaient revenir?<\/p>\n
Le boulanger avala sa langue et ne dit rien. J\u2019ai d\u00fb brailler \u00e0 chaudes larmes pour qu\u2019il se d\u00e9cide \u00e0 cracher le morceau. Thanassis \u00e9tait rentr\u00e9 depuis trois jours avec l\u2019interdiction formelle de nous en informer. J\u2019ai cru m\u2019effondrer.
\n\u2014\u00a0\u00ab\u00a0S\u2019il vous pla\u00eet, monsieur, puis-je parler \u00e0 votre fils?\u00a0\u00bb
\n\u2014\u00a0\u00ab\u00a0Il est \u00e0 V\u00e9ria (village voisin) pour acheter une nouvelle levure \u00e0 croissant.\u00a0\u00bb
\nEn pleurnichant, je lui ai r\u00e9pondu que mes enfants et moi aimions beaucoup ses croissants et que je lui offris toute ma reconnaissance pour m\u2019avoir r\u00e9v\u00e9l\u00e9 la v\u00e9rit\u00e9 et je le remerciai pour toutes les brioches et les pains invendus de la veille qu\u2019il m\u2019offrait si g\u00e9n\u00e9reusement.<\/p>\n
Chaque famille avance \u00e0 son rythme, mais la mienne reculait et risquait de s\u2019effondrer. Arriv\u00e9e \u00e0 la maison, je suis mont\u00e9e sans un mot \u00e0 l\u2019\u00e9tage et j\u2019ai c\u00e2lin\u00e9 le tout-petit qui dormait comme un ange. Accroupie sur le plancher de la cuisine, ma belle-s\u0153ur lavait ses draps et ceux de sa m\u00e8re \u00e0 la main dans un grand seau. Sur un rond allum\u00e9, un chaudron d\u2019eau commen\u00e7ait \u00e0 frissonner. Ensuite, Despina \u00e9tendrait les draps dehors et s\u2019occuperait du linge des petits. Comme dans une vraie famille, nous nous entraidions.<\/p>\n
J\u2019avais le caquet bas et j\u2019\u00e9tais compl\u00e8tement d\u00e9pit\u00e9e. J\u2019ai voulu parler \u00e0 la belle-m\u00e8re, mais je me suis retenue. O\u00f9 diable se trouvait le mari? Je devais attendre que Thanassis revienne au village pour lui parler. J\u2019ai endimanch\u00e9 les deux plus vieux et nous sommes all\u00e9s sur la rue principale, dans un caf\u00e9 qui servait des p\u00e2tisseries, et nous y avons partag\u00e9 un petit baklava. Cette d\u00e9licieuse g\u00e2terie nous a redonn\u00e9 un peu de pep.<\/p>\n
J\u2019aimais ma belle-m\u00e8re et sa fille, mais j\u2019en avais par-dessus la t\u00eate d\u2019attendre un homme qui n\u2019\u00e9tait ni un mari ni un p\u00e8re. Je l\u2019ai vu une seule fois avec un enfant dans ses bras. J\u2019en conclus finalement qu\u2019il ne nous aimait pas. Jamais cet homme ne m\u2019a c\u00e2lin\u00e9e, prot\u00e9g\u00e9e, encourag\u00e9e, f\u00e9licit\u00e9e, aim\u00e9e. Je ne l\u2019ai jamais vu non plus t\u00e9moigner de l\u2019affection aux petits ni passer du temps \u00e0 jouer avec eux. Voil\u00e0 la v\u00e9rit\u00e9 pure et dure.<\/p>\n
J\u2019\u00e9tais candide et na\u00efve lorsque je l\u2019ai rencontr\u00e9. Il m\u2019a vite d\u00e9flor\u00e9e sans que je r\u00e9alise que ce qui se passait \u00e9tait la fa\u00e7on dont on faisait les b\u00e9b\u00e9s\u2026 et un petit gar\u00e7on est arriv\u00e9 neuf mois plus tard. Pendant qu\u2019il volait mon innocence, aucune goutte de sang n\u2019a tach\u00e9 le drap. Il m\u2019a accus\u00e9e \u00e0 tort, et pour le reste de notre vie conjugale, d\u2019avoir perdu ma virginit\u00e9 avant notre premi\u00e8re rencontre.<\/p>\n
L\u2019homme aurait voulu que je me fasse avorter, mais j\u2019ai refus\u00e9. Ses deux fr\u00e8res l\u2019avaient donc oblig\u00e9 \u00e0 m\u2019\u00e9pouser et j\u2019ai dit oui. Ce OUI, je l\u2019ai rapidement regrett\u00e9 et il m\u2019empoisonne goutte \u00e0 goutte chaque fois que je pense \u00e0 lui, m\u00eame apr\u00e8s plus de 50\u00a0ans. Mon plus grand malheur ici-bas, c\u2019est de l\u2019avoir rencontr\u00e9.<\/p>\n
Pendant que je me morfondais dans le fond d\u2019un village pauvre et quasi d\u00e9sert de la Gr\u00e8ce, que faisait le mari en Allemagne? D\u2019ailleurs, s\u2019y trouvait-il r\u00e9ellement? Pourquoi son compagnon de voyage \u00e9tait-il rentr\u00e9 sans lui? Non seulement je regrettais certains de mes choix de vie, mais je maudissais tout ce qu\u2019il m\u2019imposait.<\/p>\n
\u00c0 SUIVRE\u2026<\/p>\n
Cora
\n\u2764\ufe0f<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Treize jours sans nouvelles du mari qui devait sans doute encore se […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":414,"featured_media":50996,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-50995","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lettre-mme-cora"],"acf":{"img_en":"","contenu_en":"Thirteen days without news about Husband, who was likely still in Cologne searching for a job. My mother-in-law was starting to worry about her son and Thanassis, the family friend who\u2019d joined him. Would the two travellers run out of food? Despina, my sister-in-law, said she was certain they\u2019d surprise us with good news upon their return. She\u2019d discussed it with her mother: They\u2019d agreed to move to Germany and live with us. Despina would babysit my little ones and I could get a job to help out.\r\n\r\nIn early October, the gypsies who picked cotton were starting to arrive in our village of Krya Vrysi. They put up their tents a short distance from the houses and dug a hole in which the women and older kids kept a fire to cook and stay warm when night fell. What an experience I had! When they were all set up, I visited and brought them a dozen of the baker\u2019s day-old pastries. The women and children had a feast! Even the smallest ones pulled on my skirt to get a taste too.\r\n\r\nAfter more than six months, the five suitcases Husband had shipped by boat, in which I\u2019d put all our belongings, had finally arrived. Since Husband was out of the country, Despina and I arranged for the suitcases to be delivered to the house. I didn\u2019t open them, however. Weren\u2019t we going to leave any day, as soon as our two prospectors came back from Cologne with good news? The three of us women were worried and prayed in silence, but outwardly were waiting as if summer were around the corner. I\u2019ve never forgotten this verse from Matthew: \u201cTherefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.\u201d\r\n\r\nThis worry, this cruel wait, destroyed any hope I had. Maybe Husband had met another woman? In 1972, we didn\u2019t have mobile phones capable of saving a life (like my own). Suddenly, imagining the worst, I was overcome with dread, which I didn\u2019t dare share with my sister or mother-in-law. One night, I tried sleeping snuggled with my kids, my breast warming the littlest one. A thousand horrible ideas flooded my head and I fought to keep them at bay. I wanted to escape and discover the promised land the Great Manitou was keeping for me somewhere.\r\n\r\nThe next day, tired, battered and discouraged, I got up and warmed a big pot of water on the stove to wash my babies. I dressed and fussed over them and did their hair before asking my sister-in-law to watch over them for an hour. I went to the village baker to question him. He was dressed in his usual large white apron. I asked him if he had any word from his son Thanassis, who was travelling with good-for-nothing Husband. Did he know when the two travellers would be back?\r\n\r\nThe baker remained mum, and only spilled the beans after I cried my eyes out. Thanassis had arrived home three days ago and was forbidden to let us know that he had returned. I felt my knees going weak.\r\n\u2014\u00a0\u201cPlease, sir, may I talk to your son?\u201d\r\n\u2014\u00a0\u201cHe\u2019s in Veria (neighbouring village) buying a new type of yeast for croissants.\u201d\r\nWhile I wept, I told him that my kids and I really loved his croissants. I was very grateful to him that he had told the truth about Husband although he was sworn to secrecy, and for all the day-old breads and unsold buns he so generously offered me.\r\n\r\nEvery family moves at its own pace, but mine was moving in reverse and was at risk of collapsing. As soon as I returned home, I went upstairs without saying a word and I went to the little one, who was sleeping like an angel, to hug him. Crouched down on the kitchen floor, my sister-in-law was washing hers and her mother\u2019s bedsheets in a large bucket. Water was starting to quiver in the large pot on the stove. Once that was done, Despina would hang the sheets outside and wash the children\u2019s clothes. Just like a real family, we helped each other.\r\n\r\nMy spirits were low; I was totally dejected. I wanted to talk to my mother-in-law, but I stopped myself. Where on earth was Husband? I would have to wait for Thanassis to get back to the village to talk to him. I dressed the two oldest ones nicely and we went to a coffee shop on the main street to share a small baklava. The delicious treat raised our spirits a little.\r\n\r\nI loved my mother-in-law and her daughter, but I was fed up waiting for a man who wasn\u2019t a husband or a father. I\u2019d only ever seen him once with a child in his arms. There was only one conclusion: He didn\u2019t love us. This man never cuddled me, protected me, encouraged me, congratulated me or loved me. I never saw him show affection to the little ones or spend time playing with them. It was the cold hard truth.\r\n\r\nI was simple and naive when I met him. He lost no time deflowering me and I was oblivious then about how babies were created\u2026 Nine months later a baby boy arrived. He wrongfully accused me, for the rest of our married life, of lying to him about being a virgin when we\u2019d met because there was no telltale red stain that night he stole my innocence.\r\n\r\nHe had wanted me to get an abortion, but I refused. So his two brothers forced him to marry me and I said yes. A yes I quickly regretted. Even 50 years later, it\u2019s still like a drop of poison every time I think about him. My biggest regret is having met him.\r\n\r\nWhile I was languishing away in a poor, almost deserted village in Greece, what was Husband doing in Germany? Was he even there? Why had his travel companion returned home without him? Not only was I regretting some of my life choices, but I cursed everything he forced on me.\r\n\r\nTO BE CONTINUED\u2026\r\n\r\nCora\r\n\u2764\ufe0f"},"yoast_head":"\n