Le temps de quelques lignes, je vais me blottir dans le pass\u00e9, dans un pr\u00e9cieux souvenir d\u2019un apr\u00e8s-midi au parc avec Paul. J\u2019avais vingt-sept ans et, depuis sept ans, j\u2019\u00e9tais l\u2019\u00e9pouse d\u2019un mari horrible. Paul compl\u00e9tait son doctorat en g\u00e9nie a\u00e9rospatial. Nous nous \u00e9tions crois\u00e9s par hasard dans une biblioth\u00e8que de Montr\u00e9al o\u00f9 j\u2019allais parfois lire loin des regards indiscrets de ma belle-famille. Je lisais en cachette du mari qui m\u2019interdisait de lire et d\u2019\u00e9crire. Dans sa t\u00eate, calcin\u00e9e de pr\u00e9tentions et durement forg\u00e9e par ses succ\u00e8s militaires, il vivait en retard de quelques si\u00e8cles sur la civilisation. Il ignorait le respect, la bienveillance et l\u2019amour v\u00e9ritable. Je me cachais pour tenter de survivre un tantinet normalement.<\/p>\n
Lorsque j\u2019ai vu Paul s\u2019approcher de ma table, mon c\u0153ur s\u2019est tout de suite mis \u00e0 trembloter. Avant cet instant, notre derni\u00e8re rencontre autour d\u2019un immense feu de joie remontait \u00e0 l\u2019adolescence. Paul n\u2019\u00e9tait pas un ami proche, mais plut\u00f4t mon partenaire de tennis occasionnel dans la ville o\u00f9 nous habitions. J\u2019\u00e9tais trop jeune et trop na\u00efve pour r\u00e9aliser ce que signifiait l\u2019\u00e9trange courant \u00e9lectrique qui nous \u00e9branlait lorsque nous ramassions ensemble une balle ou que nous nous serrions la main en imitant les pros, \u00e0 la fin d\u2019un match. J\u2019avais peut-\u00eatre quinze ou seize ans, j\u2019\u00e9tais ignorante et troubl\u00e9e lorsque je sentais les yeux de ce jeune homme de bonne famille sur moi. Tout ce dont je me souvenais de Paul en plongeant mes yeux dans les siens, une d\u00e9cennie plus tard, c\u2019\u00e9tait ce fameux feu organis\u00e9 par la municipalit\u00e9 \u00e0 la fin de l\u2019\u00e9t\u00e9. Il ne me restait qu\u2019une br\u00e8ve souvenance de son regard riv\u00e9 sur moi au travers des flammes ardentes. Nous \u00e9tions assis autour du feu, un en face de l\u2019autre. Quelque chose en moi br\u00fblait comme la b\u00fbche dans la flamme. \u00c9tait-ce ma t\u00eate ou mon c\u0153ur? Durant toutes ces ann\u00e9es qui ont suivi, j\u2019ai voulu ressentir \u00e0 nouveau, ne serait-ce qu\u2019une seconde, la chaleur de ce feu. Assise \u00e0 la table de la biblioth\u00e8que, mes mains peinaient \u00e0 tenir mon livre.<\/p>\n
Paul m\u2019avait-il reconnue? Il a soudainement recul\u00e9 sa chaise, s\u2019est lev\u00e9 et s\u2019est tourn\u00e9 vers moi. De sa bouche est sorti un sublime \u00ab\u00a0Tu es encore plus belle qu\u2019autrefois!\u00a0\u00bb J\u2019ai cru m\u2019\u00e9vanouir; mes jambes s\u2019enlisant dans des sables mouvants et mon c\u0153ur sortant de ma poitrine en courant. Il faut comprendre qu\u2019\u00e0 ce moment de ma vie, c\u2019est une femme compl\u00e8tement d\u00e9molie, inapte \u00e0 r\u00e9pondre \u00e0 cette immense douceur qui se tenait devant lui. Mes l\u00e8vres tremblaient, incapables de prononcer un seul mot. \u00ab\u00a0\u00c7a te dirait de prendre une marche au parc La Fontaine?\u00a0\u00bb, me demanda Paul. En bafouillant, je l\u2019ai suivi. Pour traverser la rue, il a candidement pris mon bras et il me semble avoir eu l\u2019impression qu\u2019un courant \u00e9lectrique transper\u00e7ait nos corps, comme dans le temps. Il devait l\u2019avoir ressenti lui aussi, car en foulant l\u2019herbe du gazon, il s\u2019est empress\u00e9 de me dire qu\u2019il \u00e9tait fianc\u00e9, avec une actrice, par-dessus le march\u00e9.<\/p>\n
Paul \u00e9tait d\u00e9sormais un homme et une personne splendide. Aussi beau que mon docteur Jivago! La t\u00eate haute, je le suivais vers le lac, mes yeux faisant de leur mieux pour refouler un oc\u00e9an de chagrin. Ma vie de couple me tuait \u00e0 petit feu. J\u2019\u00e9tais prisonni\u00e8re de l\u2019affreux mari et de mes enfants ch\u00e9ris qui n\u2019avaient que moi \u00e0 aimer. Mes b\u00e9b\u00e9s me nourrissant de petites cuiller\u00e9es d\u2019amour enfantin. Leurs sourires me gardaient en vie.<\/p>\n
Nous nous sommes assis sur un grand banc de parc, \u00e0 une certaine distance l\u2019un de l\u2019autre. Paul m\u2019a consol\u00e9e sans le savoir en me disant qu\u2019il m\u2019avait cherch\u00e9e pendant longtemps. Il ne savait aucunement que j\u2019avais moi aussi fait de grandes \u00e9tudes. Il ignorait que j\u2019avais d\u00fb \u00e9pouser le p\u00e8re d\u2019un premier enfant arriv\u00e9 inopin\u00e9ment et que j\u2019avais donn\u00e9 naissance \u00e0 deux autres enfants apr\u00e8s le mariage.<\/p>\n
Comme s\u2019il sentait ma peine, Paul prit ma main. Il me redit \u00e0 quel point il me trouvait jolie, et comment son c\u0153ur de jeune homme faiblissait lorsqu\u2019il avait une pens\u00e9e pour moi pendant toutes ces ann\u00e9es. M\u00eame s\u2019il m\u2019avait vite fait part de ses fian\u00e7ailles, il eut la d\u00e9licatesse d\u2019\u00e9viter de me parler de sa dulcin\u00e9e. J\u2019ai simplement appris qu\u2019ils allaient d\u00e9m\u00e9nager aux \u00c9tats-Unis pour de meilleures possibilit\u00e9s d\u2019avancement. Tout allait bien pour lui et je devais m\u2019en r\u00e9jouir.<\/p>\n
J\u2019allais bient\u00f4t devoir partir pour aller chercher les enfants \u00e0 l\u2019\u00e9cole. Paul a voulu que je lui laisse mon adresse, mais j\u2019ai refus\u00e9. Dans l\u2019autobus qui me conduisait vers l\u2019\u00e9cole des petits, j\u2019avais le c\u0153ur brave. J\u2019ai compris que Paul m\u2019aimait; ne fut-ce qu\u2019un seul apr\u00e8s-midi d\u2019\u00e9t\u00e9. Il s\u2019\u00e9tait int\u00e9ress\u00e9 \u00e0 moi, dans le pass\u00e9 comme dans le pr\u00e9sent. Contrairement \u00e0 ce que me r\u00e9servait le mari, Paul m\u2019avait compliment\u00e9e; avouant qu\u2019il me trouvait encore plus belle que l\u2019innocente jeune fille de jadis.<\/p>\n
Cora
\n\u2764\ufe0f<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Le temps de quelques lignes, je vais me blottir dans le pass\u00e9, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":414,"featured_media":62217,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-62213","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lettre-mme-cora"],"acf":{"img_en":"","contenu_en":"For this letter, I\u2019m going to snuggle up with the past and cherish the memory of a precious afternoon in the park with Paul. I was 27 and had been married to horrible Husband for 7 years. Paul was finishing his PhD in aerospace engineering. We bumped into each other by chance at a library I\u2019d sometimes visit to read, safe from my in-laws\u2019 prying eyes. I\u2019d read in secret in defiance of my husband, who forbade me to read and write. Hardened into a mould by his military success and consumed by hubris, he was a few centuries behind civilization in the way he thought. He lacked respect, kindness and true love. I hid from him to try to survive with a bit of normalcy.\r\n\r\nWhen I saw Paul walking towards my table, my heart immediately started to tremble. Before that moment in the library, we\u2019d last seen each other during our teen years at a huge bonfire party. Paul wasn\u2019t a close friend; we\u2019d played tennis together occasionally in the city where we lived. I was too young and too na\u00efve to understand the electrifying sensation we\u2019d experience when we picked up a ball together or shook hands like pros at the end of a match. I must\u2019ve been 15 or 16, ignorant and troubled when I felt this young man\u2019s gaze on me. More than a decade later, the only thing I remembered when Paul locked his eyes on mine in the library was that bonfire, organized by the town at summer\u2019s end. All I had left from that evening was a brief recollection of his gaze fixed on me through the fiery flames. We were sitting around the fire, across from each other. It felt as if something inside of me was burning like a log in those flames. Was it my head or my heart? During the many years that followed, I wanted to feel the warmth of this fire again, even if for just a second. Seated at the table in the library, my hands could hardly hold my book.\r\n\r\nDid Paul recognize me? He suddenly pushed his chair back, stood up and started walking towards me. He let out a sublime \u201cYou\u2019re more beautiful than ever!\u201d I thought I was going to faint; my legs sunk into quicksand and my heart leapt from my chest. You must understand that, at that moment in my life, the woman seated in that library was in total ruins, incapable of responding to the incredible sweetness before her. My lips were quivering, unable to utter a single word. \u201cDo you feel like going for a walk in the park?\u201d Paul asked. I followed him, stammering. He casually took my arm as we crossed the street and that electrifying sensation seemed to go through our bodies, like it used to. He must\u2019ve felt it too because he hurried to tell me that he was engaged to an actress. The news only added to my turmoil of walking beside him.\r\n\r\nPaul was now a man and a splendid person. As handsome as my Doctor\u00a0Zhivago! Holding my head high, I followed him towards the lake, doing the best I could to keep my eyes from releasing an ocean of sorrow. My wedded life was slowly killing me. I was a prisoner to horrible Husband and my beloved children, who only had me to love. My babies fed me with spoonfuls of young love. Their smiles kept me alive.\r\n\r\nWe sat at a distance on a long park bench. Paul consoled me without even knowing it by telling me that he\u2019d looked for me for a long time. He had no idea that I had also pursued my intellectual interests. He didn\u2019t know that I\u2019d been forced to marry the father of an unplanned child and that I\u2019d given birth to two more after the wedding.\r\n\r\nAs if he\u2019d felt my sorrow, Paul grabbed my hand. He told me once more how beautiful he thought I was and how his young man\u2019s heart would sigh each time he\u2019d think of me during those many years. Although he\u2019d made a point to quickly inform me he was engaged, he was thoughtful enough to avoid telling me about his fianc\u00e9e. I simply learned that they\u2019d be moving to the United States for better career prospects. I was glad everything was working out for him.\r\n\r\nI had to leave soon to go get the kids at school. Paul asked me for my address, but I refused to give it to him. On the bus ride to pick up my children, my heart was brave. I understood that Paul had liked me, even if it had only been for one summer afternoon. He was interested in me, both then and now.\u00a0Contrary to the way Husband treated me, Paul had complimented me, admitting that he found me to be even more beautiful than the innocent young girl I once was.\r\n\r\nCora\r\n\u2764\ufe0f"},"yoast_head":"\n